We’ve all probably heard this story before. We call it Thursday and after a way-too-long, mind and brain-numbing day toiling for ‘the man’ the only aspiration we’re left with is to go home and deflate our miserable selves. I’m assuming all this of course though, because actually I’ve never really had a ‘real’ job. Anyways, at the end of it all, the true struggle of the day is often in the quest for sustenance. So what to eat?

Well, here were your choices before:

1. Going out for dinner. Unless you eat shit (i.e. McValue meals), you can eat like a king, but you’ll probably end up spending like one too. And hey, the more you spend, the more you gotta work right?
2. Cook your own damn food. Cooking can be fun, but when you’re just hungry and want something down your throat (pervert!) it really isn’t.
3. Open that bag of Cheetos. Ew. Cheetos taste like ass.
4. Have someone else cook for you for free. Unless you’re sexing up a chef, they call this living at home which actually means no sex for you (or me).

“So I guess we just starve then? Starve and cry motherfucker?”

Well don’t cry just yet. Drawing on my Latchkey kid ways, using a recipe of extra-lean ground laziness, a dash of culinary impotence and some ginger here’s four healthy ‘dishes’ absolutely anyone can make. I mean if you honestly can’t make any of these, seriously consider some kind of castration.

Okay let’s begin:

1. The Cereal Cup. Our first dish might be seen by lots of people as breakfast only because of it’s cereal-y goodness, but they’d be ignorant. Cereal is great anytime! Anyways, first get a drinking cup. Then fill it up half way with cereal (just do it). Next, simply pour in milk till it gets to the brim. Et voila. See how easy that was? I’m eating/drinking it now – no spoon required.
2. Mushroom Bonanza. Doesn’t Bonanza sound so exciting? Get some mushrooms, wash em, chop em up anyway you want and throw them in a bowl. Easy right? Makes a great snack or really crappy dinner.
3. Fresh Strawberry Surprise. The surprise is that the strawberries are actually in Jam form and I eat them straight from the jar with a spoon.
4. A Potato.

The moral of this ‘story’? Learn to cook for real, because the alternatives aren’t so pretty.

fyi: Actually, when I’m not starving I’m actually not so horrible a cook. You should try my pasta, I make it different each time (mainly cuz I can never remember what I did before) but it’s always AMAZING!