I guess the title gives this one away. The whole thing with photography is it’s supposed to be fun, but here I am and I’m really starting to loathe hitting that shutter. First for the most obvious things; When you can put a dollar value on each hit – the price of that frame of film plus the cost of developing – there really is such a pressure to make things right even if it means not going for that lucky shot or trying new techniques. When you shoot first and only get the results a week (or more) later, enthusiasm dwindles and often dies a sad lonely death.

But, of course, I knew all this going in so they’re not really complaints.

The real problem is one of confidence you could say. I can live with paying a dollar or so each time I take a picture no matter how brilliant or how shitty it ends up being, and I can live with being too lazy to travel an hour each way to pick up film a week after I’ve shot it, that’s just who I am. But (there’s always a but) that’s all assuming that the shot I take actually gets too the film. More than twice have I wasted my time snapping away, taking risks and trying those new things, and for what? Absolutely nothing. The film doesn’t spool through properly, the guides tear, or it just fucks up and it’s all down the drain. Total shots lost: over 75 probably.

It may probably be just because I suck, but in this case practice really hasn’t made better. It’s like a roll of the dice or a turn of the cards, and when you lose, you lose things like Cara stuffing her face with sushi, a jazz festival, soldiers marching, birds in flight and on rooftops, people on bikes with dogs in a basket, a friend photographing baby ducks … I could go on and on but frankly I’m just pissing myself off more.

A box of Fuji 400H – I’ve always wanted to try the stuff out, but I couldn’t ever afford to shoot with it. Something I’m not so regretful about anymore.