Nothing much to say lately. So maybe I shouldn’t be writing this. Yeah, it’d probably be better if I waited until something good or worth mentioning happens.

A few months ago I bought this Notebook somewhere for like five dollars. Lurid ebony cover, red rimmed pages with a cool looking strap to keep it closed. It was something about the size of a small book that I imagined I would use to really get down my thoughts during the idlest parts of the day: sitting on a bus, waiting for the next class… whatever really. Surprise though, like every other notebook I’ve ever gotten, it’s been left pretty much pristine. But it’s not something like, ‘because I have nothing to write’, maybe the opposite really, sometimes it’s just too much. I may be running outside or walking home at night after an exhausting day, and words – not just words, something like prose: in sentences, paragraphs, whole pages even fill my brain until I just want to explode! Later, I’ll sit down, open that fancy five dollar Notebook to page 1 and then … nothing. It’s all gone, I have no thoughts, dreams or idiocies to share, and I eventually get impatient and leave to do something else.
I’m just loser number 6.5 billion on this crappy planet of ours.

Maybe I look at it and think, ‘Now [pketh], in front of you is a book of blank pages just waiting to be filled by the possibilities of what you’ve got’. I got nothing though, if I’m going to write something on it, it’s not going to be crap. It’s not going to be me just bitching about boredom and why the birds around here never come in any color other than grey.

I actually almost made it work one time though you know, before I went to China. Back then, I also bought a fancy notebook. This one was yellow with leaf imagery with brush calligraphy and some Zen-like quote thing on the back, and for the first few days at least I actually managed to get a lot down. I wrote about the airplane terminals in America, and how crazy bag lady kept losing her kids. In China, I even managed to write about my first few nights in Shanghai and Hangzhou. What I did write back then wasn’t half bad, actually, maybe I’ll even share them with you someday.

Yeah, thinking about it now, I really think I will. It seems only fair, it’s probably the only reason I wrote them in the first place after all.

Thinking out loud //